I'm not a patient person by nature. I'm a go getter. A get things doner. ;) I like efficiency. I like to be early. I like a plan. I look at things and I see how they could work. I typically have a plan a, plan b and plan c. I research. I process. I ponder.
Sunday, August 30, 2015
Don't mistake this for me being a busy body. A lot of my getting things done looks like thinking, writing, talking.... So I might be holed up in my house but it's happening. Oh.. It's happening.
I'm good at the action. There's something I am not good at though. Waiting. Holding steady. Giving people space to breath.
Let me clarify. I'm not bad at waiting in general. If my friend is 20 minutes late I'm usually just gonna read or scan Facebook. I don't have trouble with that kind of patience.
It's a spiritual kind of patience. Sometimes I see a struggle. I see it in my kids or in other people I love dearly. Often I see it in myself. I see hurt and stress and pain and a not knowing what to do and it is HARD FOR ME.
I want to make a plan of action. I want to help them or myself get better efficiently. I want everything orderly and restored and I see of vision of what it could be or should be or I wish it was.
One day I was explaining this to my mom. I was trying to muddle through what my stuggle is exactly. And then she said to me,
"It sounds like you are learning to give people the grace of time."
And I was like... "Yeah. I think that's right. I don't know how to do that."
Over the last weeks and months things have come up over and over. I will see an area I am struggling. I will be impatient with myself and then think, "I am learning to give myself the grace of time."
I will have a conflict or stressful time and want it to be fixed but there's nothing I can do and then I hear, "I am learning to give the grace of time."
I will have a CLEAR vision of what could be or might be and know that it isn't time and hear, "I am learning to give the grace of time."
Love is patient and so I must be patient even when that means standing down.
I love helping and fixing and talking and listening but sometimes none of those work. Sometimes backing up and pausing isn't neglect.
I realized that I have made the mistake of sometimes thinking that if I didn't DO SOMETHING I was not being loving. The reality is that sometimes pausing and giving someone else or ourselves the grace of time is the most loving thing we can do.
Sometimes we need room to breath and struggle and not know what to do. Sometimes we need space to not be ok, to learn and to grow.
So I'm working on it. I'm trying to learn this. I'm learning to love myself and others enough to give that kind of grace and while it's not easy for me it feels like a beautiful gift.
Posted by Angel at 10:34 PM