There are people who think that children who are adopted are weird. There is nothing weird about them. There is, very often, something broken... cracked.. at their very foundation.
Similar to a beautiful home that has a crack in the foundation.. these sweet ones have been hurt and wounded at their core.
That's the reality. The thing about a cracked foundation is it must be repaired or the structure is unstable. It's likely to be a messy job during the process. It may look HORRIBLE for awhile. It may require intense work. It may require special tools and skills.
Here's the amazing part though. If repaired correctly and with skill the foundation will be stronger after the repair than it ever was originally.
That's the beauty of things... people that are broken and healed are stronger in the end. Our children come split wide open with trauma and grief. They have most often endured more than the average adult.
They were not easily broken. They have endured an emotional earthquake. The very fact that they are ALIVE is a testament to their strength.
So here they are... by no fault of their own... cracked wide open. We walk into brokenness and pain. We have to walk into that house with that gash in the floor knowing the mess that's going to occur.
Even when we DO know it catches us off guard. We wonder what we've gotten ourselves into. We wonder if we will survive. We wonder if we can ever find the skills to help repair the foundation.
And it's slow.. and it's hard.. and it's messy.. but we usually figure it out with some help. Our children heal. The cracks close. We find the tools or help or resources or knowledge and we DO THE WORK. AND IT'S WORTH IT!
I'll tell you why it's worth it. A person who has been broken to bits and keeps fighting is the one we scream the loudest for isn't it? A person who loses everything and keeps going... THRIVES.. That person is different, unique, special.
That is who our children are inside. Just as sure as some children are born without limbs many of our children are established with deep wounds that they overcome. The overcoming and healing of these obstacles, wounds and grief makes them MORE. They become MORE. They have been rejected and learned to love again. They have been ridiculed and continued to try. They have been denied food, shelter, care and attention and survived it to find a home. They are not weird. They are MIRACLES.
They are being forced to learn lessons in forgiveness, kindness, survival, empathy, determination, courage and surrender that most adults don't learn... ever.
When we look at our adopted children we must see the cracks, attend to the damage and expect the healing. We will get there and our children will not be normal. Heavens no, when a child's foundation is broken and repaired with great skill it can be stronger than it ever was before.
Our children will never be normal. They will be phenomenal.