Thursday, August 23, 2012

Cracked Foundation


There are people who think that children who are adopted are weird. There is nothing weird about them. There is, very often, something broken... cracked.. at their very foundation.

Similar to a beautiful home that has a crack in the foundation.. these sweet ones have been hurt and wounded at their core. 

That's the reality. The thing about a cracked foundation is it must be repaired or the structure is unstable. It's likely to be a messy job during the process. It may look HORRIBLE for awhile. It may require intense work. It may require special tools and skills. 

Here's the amazing part though. If repaired correctly and with skill the foundation will be stronger after the repair than it ever was originally. 

That's the beauty of things... people that are broken and healed are stronger in the end. Our children come split wide open with trauma and grief. They have most often endured more than the average adult. 

They were not easily broken. They have endured an emotional earthquake. The very fact that they are ALIVE is a testament to their strength. 

So here they are... by no fault of their own... cracked wide open. We walk into brokenness and pain. We have to walk into that house with that gash in the floor knowing the mess that's going to occur. 

Even when we DO know it catches us off guard. We wonder what we've gotten ourselves into. We wonder if we will survive. We wonder if we can ever find the skills to help repair the foundation. 

And it's slow.. and it's hard.. and it's messy.. but we usually figure it out with some help. Our children heal. The cracks close. We find the tools or help or resources or knowledge and we DO THE WORK. AND IT'S WORTH IT! 

I'll tell you why it's worth it. A person who has been broken to bits and keeps fighting is the one we scream the loudest for isn't it? A person who loses everything and keeps going... THRIVES.. That person is different, unique, special.

That is who our children are inside. Just as sure as some children are born without limbs many of our children are established with deep wounds that they overcome. The overcoming and healing of these obstacles, wounds and grief makes them MORE. They become MORE. They have been rejected and learned to love again. They have been ridiculed and continued to try. They have been denied food, shelter, care and attention and survived it to find a home. They are not weird. They are MIRACLES.

They are being forced to learn lessons in forgiveness, kindness, survival, empathy, determination, courage and surrender that most adults don't learn... ever.

When we look at our adopted children we must see the cracks, attend to the damage and expect the healing. We will get there and our children will not be normal. Heavens no, when a child's foundation is broken and repaired with great skill it can be stronger than it ever was before.

Our children will never be normal. They will be phenomenal. 

Friday, August 10, 2012

There are things you want..

My dad is not always a man of many words. When he does say something it's usually because he HAS something to say and it's worth hearing.

One sunny day, years ago, I was sitting on my parents front porch while my dad was working in the yard. I was explaining some very big life decisions Russ and I were facing. I explained to him how hard it was to make these choices and I asked for his advice. This is what he said to me that day...

"Angel, there are things you want and there are things you want MORE. You have to decide which is which."

I laughed and agreed with him. It didn't seem like rocket science but it kind of was. Sometimes the most difficult things to do are so simple at their core. So much of what it comes down to is what do we want MORE.

Sometimes it's not good and bad or black and white or right or wrong. Sometimes it's just so many good things we could do and we have to really listen to what God is whispering to our hearts... Which means getting quiet enough to hear that still small voice. Which means drowning out the guilt, obligation, dream scenarios, romantic lenses, selfishness, anger and frustration to just be honest with ourselves... And KNOW our own heart.

I can't tell you how many times over the years that advice has rung in my ears. I can tell you that it's ringing in my ears over and over for the past couple of months.

There are things I want... And there are things I want more. Which is which?

I just wish my dad could tell me what I want more cause I OFTEN have trouble figuring that part out. Dad??? ;-)

Hugs, Angel