Saturday, May 14, 2011

Where Am I Anyway?

A few days ago a Facebook peep shot me a message asking me about where I "was" in a sense.

She asked, "Didn't you start a not for profit and do a lot of cool advocating stuff?"

Only she said it more sweetly and then told me I didn't have to answer.

She expressed an inner struggle with this stage in life- being busy at home with little ones who NEED SO MUCH. Then the struggle of looking around at what she feels like she could be/should be doing. Looking at others in a different stage and longing for it. She wondered if I ever felt that way.

Do I ever feel that way... HA! Do I ever feel that way??? With her permission here is what I wrote in return.

I'm exactly where you are.

I know in the future I will have time and energy to do big things. I have already purposed to live in a way that I don't go back to work when the kids are older so we can give my time away. I fully intend to be the next Karyn Purvis ya know!! ;-) OK... Not as cool as her but it is my dream to help equip people to be truly wonderful parents and help children blossom even when they've come from trauma.

For now I am in THIS season. Me running around doing so much I couldn't be an amazing parent and help my kids from trauma blossom would really defeat my purpose wouldn't it??? What a sad story if we spend all our time advocating but miss what God has put right in front of us.

Odds are that those men in the story of "The Good Samaritan" were off to do great things. One was a rabbi right??? They were so busy doing good they missed what was right in front of them.

The amazing thing in this season is how God is showing me how to love the people all around me. It's wonderful. Its not flashy but it is perfect. I get where you are and I think us THRIVING in loving our children is a testimony to the world of Jesus' love.

Us loving our neighbor everywhere we go is louder than signs and blog posts.

Jesus never sat on a committee and was only in active ministry for 3 years. 30 years he spent living and loving and preparing for that ministry.

In our world we'd call that wasted time.

I don't think so anymore. Things that make ya go hmmmm.... OK!!! You didn't ask for a sermon but those are the things I have pondered and struggled through. I know it's hard sometimes when there are so many things that are important.

I just have to remember that God created things in seasons.... Seasons... Not schedules or regimens or careers... Before electricity and modern machinery everything was run by season. When it was winter everyone rested, studied, sewed. When it was harvest everyone worked and got strong.

The important thing is
knowing our season and embracing it with joy.

I am in a pruning season. To do what God is asking me

I have been cut back and back and back and back till sometimes I'm not sure that old me is there.

It's not discipline for something I've done bad. To the contrary it's going to help me grow in unbelievable ways when my next season arrives.

Wow... That all just flew onto the page. Either I really have had that on my mind or God wanted you to hear it or I needed to process it or ALL OF THE ABOVE!!! I hope I was coherent. Hugs!! Angel

My friend confirmed that this is EXACTLY where she has been struggling and how it touched her to know she wasn't alone. That got us to thinking... maybe we aren't the only ones feeling this tension. Our generation has a large movement of people going out there and doing the big, scary, amazing things. It's awesome and amazing. It's exciting and thrilling.

Until about 7 months ago my blog was usually about my next mission trip, road trip, adoption, not for profit, charitable event, community activity, conference or fun activity.

Not that I won't still do these things... but 7 months ago I realized I was entering a new season I had no warning was coming. It was time to slow down for awhile and cut SO MANY great things I had been involved in doing... I had done just what I was supposed to do.. was just where I had wanted to be.. where I knew I should be... and it began driving me BATTY.

I'm still in this process. I'm still figuring it out. Sometimes I feel overjoyed at where I am and sometimes I feel exhausted and spent. Lots of days I feel overwhelmed.

I don't know exactly where to go from here. For now I have done what God asked and I feel Him urging me to just be here. Which is weird for someone who has spent so many years building and advocating and blah. blah, blah. Yet here I am with 4 children- 3 from hard places- and being where I should be just isn't as flashy or exciting.

I'm not requesting a plan or advice. I'm simply a traveler sharing my journey with you. I want you to know if you're also in this season you aren't alone.

I would also love hearing about YOUR heart. Where are YOU? Is anyone else in this season? Have you been there before?

So I guess that's where I am in a nutshell... the answer is... I'm not sure yet. It's somewhere I've never been before but I'm getting my bearings.. I hope.

Much Love, Angel

Tuesday, May 03, 2011

We interrupt this blogging hiatus for an emergency broadcast!!

OK LOOK! I KNOOOOOOW I'm a loser blogger these days. Yes, I know I'm fickle... hot and cold... a fair weather friend. FORGIVE ME!! 4 kids is simultaneously awesome and kicking MY REAR END! BUT I could NOT pass up an opportunity to share something this amazing with you.

This is the something, well someone, amazing I want to share... this beautiful lady... Amy Block. If you've followed this blog for any length of time you've probably seen her sweet face pop up. (You should also receive an award for sticking with my loser blogging skills for that long)

You can check out her blog at

Ok... see now I'm starting to cry just writing this post. This lady means the world to me and I want to ask if you will help me, help her to do something amazing.

I met Amy during our first adoption. She had 4 bio cutie pies and had adopted 1 baby from Guatemala. She found my blog and had formerly used my agency. God laid on her heart that she should adopt an older child. Since I was adopting Zoe she asked if we could talk cause she was a nervous wreck. I was just young and dumb and didn't know anything anyway. Nevertheless... something clicked right away and we started chatting a bit by phone and e-mail. Then she had a long layover through Houston and we had dinner. Then she MOVED to Texas and we would make the 5 hour haul to see each other once in awhile...

We've never lived close together. We've never gotten to spend more than a day at a time together but this lady is like my sister. God sent her to me- of that I am CERTAIN!

When we met I didn't have friends who were adopting. I had precious, loving friends who cared deeply... but they didn't get my insanity and struggle. Amy got me in a way I desperately needed someone to get me. Ya know what? I get her too.

We've been through moves, adoptions, fostering, lost referrals, mission trips, financial stress, advocating, building a not-for-profit, loving the unlovable, homeschooling, public schooling, anger, success, failure, joy and sorrow together.

We've built our families together, spilled our guts, said the things you can't say out loud. When I met Amy I had one bio daughter and was bringing Zoe home. When I met Amy she had 4 bio children and 1 adopted child. We were both excited and terrified about the things God was calling us to do.

Here's Amy's family today!

Amy was amazing when I met her. Amy blows me out of the water today. She is not super woman. She's just a fragile human who loves Jesus in a way I've seldom seen. She gets frustrated, hurt, insecure and then she takes it to Jesus. She challenges me to be more, love more, give more, be content, treasure things that God treasures.

Amy and her beautiful family are about to go on their biggest adventure yet. They have sold their precious little home in the Texas country and they are moving to GUATEMALA!!

Several years ago Amy and I got to go on a mission trip to Guatemala together. We talked and dreamed together about her deep hope that one day...maybe when they retired... they could move to Guatemala and be missionaries. Looks like God's timeline was a little sooner.

They are selling their things, packing up, ready to go. They are just waiting for God to send the money in which we are ALL CONFIDENT He will. HE knows who is supposed to be a part of Team Block.

They need 147 people to commit to sponsoring them for $25 a month.

They will be loving on 100s of orphans, organizing sponsorships, hosting mission trips.... You couldn't pay me NOT to be a part of this amazing story. I'm IN! I'm inviting you to join me.

Would you consider sponsoring them? Would you consider helping us spread the word?? Facebook...blogs...twitter... YES PLEASE! SHARE! SHARE! SHARE!! :-) Just 147 people at $25 a month and this amazing family is off to be Jesus hands and feet in Guatemala. Trust me, you couldn't possibly ask for a better family to be goers. Let's be the senders.

BTW... I WILL be going to visit my sweet Amy in Guatemala and I hope YOU might just come join me. HUGS! Angel