Saturday, September 03, 2011

I'm not a saint..

I get this "You are a very special person" response a lot in reference to my adoptions, homeschool, missions, whatever.. It's very sweet and I always take it as a compliment from that person as I know they meant it to be.

Then I get the other side that treat me like I'm a complete lunatic. That's probably closer to accurate.

Here's the thing though... I'm not a saint or a whacko. I'm just a slightly crazy mom who loves Jesus and my neighbor. I feel like the truth is we all sometimes want to make someone into a saint or whacko cause then we don't have to ever face the fear of doing the things they have chosen to do.

I get that... But it makes me sad.

I can see it... I mean first of all I don't think every person should adopt... Or homeschool...or whatever. I guess what makes me sad is how many people are terrified to even ask the question, "God, am I supposed to do that? Is this something you have for me? What is it you have for me that I am scared to see?"

When we won't EVEN ask the question we've already lost something so dear. When we run from what we may be called to do claiming someone else is "special" or "WAY over the edge" we damage our very souls. We just have no idea what we are giving up for ourselves when we offer others this absurd sainthood or assign them "holy insanity." We are PROTECTING ourselves from joy unspeakable and from a life changed into more than they could have imagined.

Yes, this life requires brokenness. Yes, the process is sometimes very uncomfortable- even painful. Yes.... But it's also more amazing than I can express. My broken, amazing joy has come through the vehicle of adoption and homeschool and missions... I can not guarantee that is the vehicle God has for you. What I can guarantee you is that God DOES have a vehicle to brokenness and joy for you. I don't live this life because I'm a saint or clinically insane. I live this life because I asked God the questions I was terrified to ask and then answered "Yes." I didn't answer "yes" calmly as you might imagine. Many, if not most times I answered "OK FINE!!!!" with my heart pounding like a drum in my ears. Many times my insides were kicking and screaming that this was crazy... That I would regret it....that maybe I really was clinically insane. Still all the time my heart knew the truth. This was my path to brokenness and joy. I could get on or miss it.

I'm not a saint or ready for the white coat and padded room. I'm just a person who loves Jesus and my neighbor. I say yes to things I'm scared to do.

You can do that too.

Hugs, Angel