Saturday, May 14, 2011

Where Am I Anyway?

A few days ago a Facebook peep shot me a message asking me about where I "was" in a sense.

She asked, "Didn't you start a not for profit and do a lot of cool advocating stuff?"

Only she said it more sweetly and then told me I didn't have to answer.

She expressed an inner struggle with this stage in life- being busy at home with little ones who NEED SO MUCH. Then the struggle of looking around at what she feels like she could be/should be doing. Looking at others in a different stage and longing for it. She wondered if I ever felt that way.

Do I ever feel that way... HA! Do I ever feel that way??? With her permission here is what I wrote in return.

I'm exactly where you are.

I know in the future I will have time and energy to do big things. I have already purposed to live in a way that I don't go back to work when the kids are older so we can give my time away. I fully intend to be the next Karyn Purvis ya know!! ;-) OK... Not as cool as her but it is my dream to help equip people to be truly wonderful parents and help children blossom even when they've come from trauma.

For now I am in THIS season. Me running around doing so much I couldn't be an amazing parent and help my kids from trauma blossom would really defeat my purpose wouldn't it??? What a sad story if we spend all our time advocating but miss what God has put right in front of us.

Odds are that those men in the story of "The Good Samaritan" were off to do great things. One was a rabbi right??? They were so busy doing good they missed what was right in front of them.

The amazing thing in this season is how God is showing me how to love the people all around me. It's wonderful. Its not flashy but it is perfect. I get where you are and I think us THRIVING in loving our children is a testimony to the world of Jesus' love.

Us loving our neighbor everywhere we go is louder than signs and blog posts.

Jesus never sat on a committee and was only in active ministry for 3 years. 30 years he spent living and loving and preparing for that ministry.

In our world we'd call that wasted time.

I don't think so anymore. Things that make ya go hmmmm.... OK!!! You didn't ask for a sermon but those are the things I have pondered and struggled through. I know it's hard sometimes when there are so many things that are important.

I just have to remember that God created things in seasons.... Seasons... Not schedules or regimens or careers... Before electricity and modern machinery everything was run by season. When it was winter everyone rested, studied, sewed. When it was harvest everyone worked and got strong.

The important thing is
knowing our season and embracing it with joy.

I am in a pruning season. To do what God is asking me

I have been cut back and back and back and back till sometimes I'm not sure that old me is there.

It's not discipline for something I've done bad. To the contrary it's going to help me grow in unbelievable ways when my next season arrives.

Wow... That all just flew onto the page. Either I really have had that on my mind or God wanted you to hear it or I needed to process it or ALL OF THE ABOVE!!! I hope I was coherent. Hugs!! Angel

My friend confirmed that this is EXACTLY where she has been struggling and how it touched her to know she wasn't alone. That got us to thinking... maybe we aren't the only ones feeling this tension. Our generation has a large movement of people going out there and doing the big, scary, amazing things. It's awesome and amazing. It's exciting and thrilling.

Until about 7 months ago my blog was usually about my next mission trip, road trip, adoption, not for profit, charitable event, community activity, conference or fun activity.

Not that I won't still do these things... but 7 months ago I realized I was entering a new season I had no warning was coming. It was time to slow down for awhile and cut SO MANY great things I had been involved in doing... I had done just what I was supposed to do.. was just where I had wanted to be.. where I knew I should be... and it began driving me BATTY.

I'm still in this process. I'm still figuring it out. Sometimes I feel overjoyed at where I am and sometimes I feel exhausted and spent. Lots of days I feel overwhelmed.

I don't know exactly where to go from here. For now I have done what God asked and I feel Him urging me to just be here. Which is weird for someone who has spent so many years building and advocating and blah. blah, blah. Yet here I am with 4 children- 3 from hard places- and being where I should be just isn't as flashy or exciting.

I'm not requesting a plan or advice. I'm simply a traveler sharing my journey with you. I want you to know if you're also in this season you aren't alone.

I would also love hearing about YOUR heart. Where are YOU? Is anyone else in this season? Have you been there before?

So I guess that's where I am in a nutshell... the answer is... I'm not sure yet. It's somewhere I've never been before but I'm getting my bearings.. I hope.

Much Love, Angel


Flamingo said...

jesus only served 3 years in active ministry. hmmm...that has me thinking. whew! some guilt is being lifted:)

Sonya said...

Okay, so, this is my first time commenting here. I've been following you for coming up on a year now I think. Can I just say how much I've MISSED your posts?!?! ;) I have been completely blessed by your comments, honesty, lessons shared, insights, and walk with Jesus. And you totally spoke to me in this one. I am exactly where you are. It has encouraged me so much, and it's no coincidence that I've been working through this lately. God has a long way to go with me but I'm making progress. Thank you so much for opening up and sharing your life so that others can be inspired and encouraged!

Kim said...

so well written, I really speaks a lot to me!! thanks for posting!! :)

{darlene} said...

excellent and so true. I have really struggled over this one. One of the best resources that has encouraged me in this area is the book: Ministry of Motherhood by Sally Clarkson. I highly recommend it!
Love when you share these thoughts, Angel!
- {darlene}

The Mckenzie Crew said...

I just love you - I just do -

Valerie said...

Oh girl, I can so relate. This is my year to be pruned by God! Oh wait, isn't that every year? ;) Regardless, my bigger family is what I am supposed to be doing right now, which means a lot of other things have either been dropped or taken a backseat for the time being. And that's alright. And, of course, it's always exciting to think about what the future holds since I sure as heck didn't see this year coming so I'm guessing the Lord has lots more fun up His sleeves...

Dearest Jessica said...

Thank you Angel! Great thoughts. I so agree and I am trying understand the season I am in also.
Praying for you. :)

Amy said...

The thing is Angel- no matter what season God has you in- you are ALWAYS such an encouragement and blessing to me. I have learned more from you than anyone in this world, right after Jesus. I love you sweet friend and I am so thankful God gave me you. :)