Sunday, July 25, 2010

Giving All My Secrets Away...

I started blogging about.... what.... 5 years ago.... Wowzer.

Ya know back in the dark ages of blogging. ;-) Some of you have been my blog friends from the beginning. Some of you I've met along the path of this amazing journey.

When I started blogging it was a tool. It was a way to update people on what was happening in a very difficult adoption process for our Zoe girl.

Soon I found myself bleeding my heart into the blog for lack of knowing what to do with all the pain of that first adoption. God was shaking my world and it broke me. I had no outlet and so OUT IT SPILLED as I typed.

What happened then surprised me. People responded to it in a huge way. I started getting e-mails, phone calls, comments THANKING me for bleeding.

That was confusing to me at first. Why was it so important to people???

Then I started to get it. There were OTHERS of you out there. There were others just like me feeling God's pull but also feeling overwhelmed and alone.

There were others walking around in a world that values security and looking good YET feeling their carefully built walls crumble around them.

In my broken state my mask had fallen off and I had BECOME A REAL PERSON... That's what had hit people.

Then came the tough decision. Would I put back up the wall? Was it safe to let people I didn't know see who I was?

Ahhhh.... but that's the thing. What am I living for? To look good? To be safe? To have it all together? To be approved of???

So I decided- I'm here for God's glory.
I'm here to love him- and to love my neighbor. If this tiny little blog helps you feel loved- helps you know God a little better then I will not hold back anything He has given me.

There are things I can't share because they are not yet mine to share. There are things that wouldn't be wise to share. BUT when it comes to the heart of who I am... I'm giving all my secrets away.

Turns out being a warrior girl means being willing to be honest and weak and vulnerable and strong and courageous and well you know what I mean...

AND YA KNOW WHAT? It's been amazing... some of my most meaningful friendships I have made because of this blog. Some of my best memories are written down here. Many of the most powerful things God has taught me are captured in a weak human form within these bloggy archives. What a joy giving it all away has been.

When I heard this song yesterday it made me smile and I just want to dedicate it to all my blogger buddies.

:o) Hugs, Angel


Flamingo Mama said...

i haven't been here from the VERY beginning, but i've been here a long time! you've been inspiring to me and such a huge help....both with adoption and homeschooling! and you are right...some of my good friends are those who i met through blogging.
that thought is something my "non blogging" friends just don't get:)

Julie said...

I've been reading your blog since it was in the other format! We started our 1st adoption journey in 2005 with our daughter from Guatemala and I searched the internet to find people who were in our situation. Although we were adopting an infant girl (who's now almost 5!), your words always found a way to resonate with me and give me some hope in our seemingly never-ending process. Around the time you were in-process with Kaiya, we adopted our little boy from Guatemala (who will be 3 next month). I'm always amazed at how you can "put it all out there" and keep going. Thanks for being such an inspiration!! :)

Wendi said...

so glad you have!