Tuesday, February 23, 2010

So Long, Insecurity!

So who's read it? What did you think?

A couple of weeks ago I read all 340ish pages of this in ONE DAY! It hit me hard. To be honest the first couple of chapters I wasn't sure if this book was really about me or not... even though I KNEW I struggled on certain levels with insecurity.

As I kept reading- well- I don't really know how to describe to you what happened. God did something huge in me. It's so big I am still having trouble putting words to it. I don't even think I totally get it yet. I am still working through it- trying to process it all.

A couple of weeks ago God took me through about 6 months of counseling in 1 day using Beth Moore and this little book. I guess that's gonna take some time to absorb.

I'd equate it to the way Dangerous Surrender- Kay Warren hit a ways back- for those who recall my tales of throwing that book across the room. ;0) Of course in a totally different arena but it was big.

Anyway, I am pondering whether or not this is something I should share with you gals in blog land. Is there anyone else who feels like maybe this book could be helpful to them?

This is a struggle so much bigger than not feeling pretty today. This is something Satan uses to keep us captive, separate and alone. If you're like me you may find facing this a lot harder and deeper than you originally predicted.

SO!!! If it would help at all I am glad to share my heart- as confused and muddled as it presently is. Let me know your thoughts blogger buddies.

Much Love, Angel


Monday, February 15, 2010

My Grown Up Girl!

My Valentine's Day baby turned 11 yesterday!! It is so hard to believe. Here she is when she was 6 1/2. It's one of the very first pictures we have of our baby girl. She was beautiful then...

..she is breath taking now.

What a blessing this little one has been in our lives. I am so grateful to a God who knew this precious one before she was born, brought her through pain and into our family. We would not be us without Zoe Girl. It would never have been right. God knew we needed each other. Thank you sweet Zoe for loving us. Your name means "Divinely Chosen Life." That is exactly what you are- divinely chosen. Oh, how we adore you.

My mom took this video only a few months after Zoe came home to us from Guatemala. She had JUST turned 8 years old. It makes me smile to hear her try to explain to her daddy what it was like to go on the big, scary roller coaster at Sea World in her 3 months of English. :0) It's super adorable.

Happy Birthday Sweet Girl!!! We love you!

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Walking Into Pain...

Where do I even begin with how wild this last week was???? It was one of those weeks I walked into expecting I may encounter loved ones facing heaps and mounds of pain. One of my BFF's had her second and, Lord willing, final surgery for cancer. Another BFF made the final move to live 17 hours away.

Somehow this ended up being an AMAZING week. God is so good.

Was there pain?? Yes, there was. Was there brokenness? MOST CERTAINLY. Still in that brokenness and pain there was something far greater- love, dignity, forgiveness, blessing, growth, healing...

I hope to share with you in more detail all that God is teaching me. For now it is in my heart to share a song that speaks my heart's message tonight. I don't really know why I'm posting this. Maybe it's the song some of you need to hear tonight.

Much love to you. As some of you walk into pain know you are not alone and definitely not without hope.

Call On Jesus

Verse 1:
I'm so very ordinary, nothing special on my own.
Oh, I have never walked on water,
And I have never calmed a storm.
Sometimes I'm hiding away from the madness around me
Like a child who's afraid of the dark

But when I call on Jesus,
All things are possible
I can mount on wings like eagles' and soar
When I call on Jesus,
Mountains are gonna fall
'Cause He'll move heaven and earth to come rescue me when I call

La la la la la, la la la la la

Verse 2:
Weary brother, broken daughter,
Widowed, Widowed lover you're not alone
If you're tired and scared of the madness around you
If you can't find the strength to carry on

When you call on Jesus,
All things are possible
You can mount on wings like eagles' and soar
When you call on Jesus,
Mountains are gonna fall
'Cause He'll move heaven and earth to come rescue you when you--

Call Him in the morning', in the afternoon time
Late in the evening' He'll be there
When your heart is broken,
And you feel discouraged,
You can just remember that He said
He'll be there

Chorus (2x):
When I call on Jesus,
All things are possible
I can mount on wings like eagles' and soar
When I call on Jesus,
Mountains are gonna fall
'Cause He'll move heaven and earth to come rescue me (back to top first time, 2nd time finish with "when I call")

La la la la la, la la la la la, la la la la la-a-a


Monday, February 08, 2010

Uncommon Friendship..

This semester I have started my first LIVE Beth Moore bible study in Houston. WOW! Can I just say wow???? Lord willing it will not be my last. I am so grateful for the opportunity to learn about the life of David "A Heart Like His" from a deeply gifted teacher live and in person.

There is SO MUCH I am learning. I mean SOOOOOOOO MUCH.

One of the definite themes right now is covenant or uncommon friendship as David and Jonathan had.

MAN! Seeing the way God works- it just brings things into perspective. The relationships God brings into our lives are for HIS glory and HIS purpose and HIS plan...

...as it should be. For so many of my younger years I just thought my friends were for me- like little bonus gifts from above.

Honestly, growing up as an army brat I found it easier to consider friends as bonuses and then when things got hard to go ahead and detach before I had to leave them.

Now you're seeing the sad and pathetic me right? Hey... you wanted me to blog. I promise it ain't PURTY! (Ummmm BTW. If you were one of those friends I apologize. Yeah, seriously. I had some issues.)

That was pretty much my plan. Hang out, have fun, love people but when it started to hurt too much just cut it off quickly.

Interestingly, God then brought certain people into my life I just couldn't seem to shake. It kinda made me mad for awhile. How inconvenient to not be able to just move on when things got rough! :0) I can assure you that I was SO MUCH fun to deal with for these confused and uncommon friends.

I realized quickly that God had put these people in my life and I was grateful. Still I didn't realize what it would mean.

Having uncommon friendships is one of the greatest blessings in my life but it is not always the blessing I expected. I never expected to have uncommon friendships that grow and refine me the way that they do now. I didn't expect this. These relationships are far beyond common.

I see over and over that my friendships have very little to do with what I want and everything to do with what God sees I need. My uncommon friends have very little to do with my plans and everything to do with where God is taking each of us.

These friendships have seasons where they are fun and full of joy. They have seasons where they are frustrating. They have seasons where they are stretching. They have seasons where they are deeply comforting.

These friendships are always changing and entering new phases yet always based on the God who brought us together in the first place.

Who would I really be if I'd had my way? What would my life be if I had continued in a pattern I found comfortable? Would I have become who I am now if I'd avoided a stretching type of blessing?

If I'd had it my way I would have missed out on MOST of the amazing things in my life because of my fear and escapist attitude towards any type of pain.

I am grateful that God in His sovereignty often tells me, "Sweet girl, we are gonna do this MY way... just hold on tight."

Much Love, Angel

1st of all....

I find it deeply moving that a few people even still read this old blog after all this time of neglect. Seriously? You people are gonna make me cry. That may be because of sleep deprivation or it out of my sheer feeling of confusion. Why do you guys still like me? :0) Still it seems a few of you do. Thanks for that. I really do like you too. Hugs! Angel

Thoughts on Romans 8:14-17

I have a sweet friend facing a trial... going through pain. When asked to share scripture this is what came to mind. Most likely because this is the journey I am on- what I am learning. I just thought I would share that journey with you too.
Romans 8:14-17 (English Standard Version)
For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, "Abba! Father!" The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him

I love this scripture. Here's what it has always meant to me.

God doesn't give me a spirit of fear which makes me into a slave but does allow me to walk into places that cause me to cry out to Him, "Help me Daddy. I can't handle this." I am adopted with rights as the "heir"- the first born son. I am given everything by God. I am His.... yet this requires that I suffer with Him as He is glorified. God does not identify pain as something to be avoided- which tends to disturb me greatly- rather as something to be embraced for the glory of God.

Just some of the things God has been showing me that frighten me and bring me deep peace all in one breath. Much love to you as you suffer well my friend. I pray for peace that passes ALL understanding and strength far beyond your own as you lean into your Father.