All day I keep realizing I am tense, holding my breath, feeling like my chest is tight.... I need to take a deep breath. It's frustrating.... I think the upcoming surgery is probably getting to me a little more than I am admitting. I know it's going to be fine... I guess it's always going to be hard to see my babies hurting. Even when I know it's the right thing it hurts. It's always hard to hand them over to the doctors knowing they don't understand. I have been through this before with Kaitlyn but it's hurting my heart. I think I am trying to be tough about it because I know she will be fine. I don't want to be dramatic about it but my heart aches when I think about her being scared and hurting even for a day. I've been ignoring it cause I feel silly. I think it's just making it worse. Knowing what she has been through in her sweet little life makes me want to protect her fiercely. I have fallen hard for this little warrior- my precious little survivor. I dread allowing her another moment of pain. I would do this for her if I could. Anyway, that's my real deal for the day.