Thursday, September 04, 2008

Take a deep breath


All day I keep realizing I am tense, holding my breath, feeling like my chest is tight.... I need to take a deep breath. It's frustrating.... I think the upcoming surgery is probably getting to me a little more than I am admitting. I know it's going to be fine... I guess it's always going to be hard to see my babies hurting. Even when I know it's the right thing it hurts. It's always hard to hand them over to the doctors knowing they don't understand. I have been through this before with Kaitlyn but it's hurting my heart. I think I am trying to be tough about it because I know she will be fine. I don't want to be dramatic about it but my heart aches when I think about her being scared and hurting even for a day. I've been ignoring it cause I feel silly. I think it's just making it worse. Knowing what she has been through in her sweet little life makes me want to protect her fiercely. I have fallen hard for this little warrior- my precious little survivor. I dread allowing her another moment of pain. I would do this for her if I could. Anyway, that's my real deal for the day.

18 comments:

Trish said...

Praying......

Misty McKibben-Melvin said...

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE YOUR VACATION PHOTOS! Anytime they are going to do ANYTHING to one of our kids it is scary....you are not alone. We will be praying all goes well!!!! She's a tough little girl, and you are a tough mama.....but that doesn't mean you ALWAYS have to be...it's ok to cry, it's ok to be scared....God made us that way.
xoxoxoxo
Misty

melissa said...

Oh Angel, I know you would go through this for her if you could. This post just speaks of a true mommas heart - one of the hardest things is seeing our kids suffer with fear or pain. My mom tells me that it never gets better either - you always hate to see your kids suffer. When I was in my 20's I went in for a minor outpatient surgery - even though I was grown and married, my momma still worried until she saw me come out of recovery!

Ellie said...

oh Angel,

I'm hurting for you hurting for Kaiya :) I will be praying for you both! that God will truly bless the surgery.

Big hugs :)

elizabeth engelhardt creations said...

I can only imagine what your feelings and thoughts are right now. We would love to be there to support you, please let us know if there is anything we can do other to pray for a safe surgery and a speedy recovery. Hugs!!

Reba said...

Oh, Angel, I can just guess what you are feeling right now (though not completely). We are putting off taking one of our children to a doctor for that very reason (for a minor thing...we do actually GO to the doctor's:). My heart goes out to you. This is to me one of the hardest parts of being a mom.
Reba

Pattie said...

I know how you feel I had to hand over my 2 month old. He is fine and well and just turned 4.
Your all in our prayers


Your Florida Friends

Darlene said...

Friend! Let those feelings come. You are a mama bear....... and that is just what your little girl needs. She is so blessed to have you. Be strong for her, but do not worry! Love this cheesy saying: Warrior, not worrier. He is one you can trust. I know you know... but at times like this, it never hurts to hear it again.

"Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself"

"do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, thanksgiving, present your request to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus"

Darlene

Cynthia said...

It is amazing to me that God asks us from the very beginning to just trust Him with our children. He asked it of Abraham, and He took care of Isaac because Abraham trusted him so much. I am just embarking on this journey, and I already want so much to protect this child I haven't even seen yet, but I know God is asking me to just trust Him. I am praying for you, and for Kaiya!

Zoe said...

Angel,
we will keep Kaiya, you and the whole Weir fam in our prayers.

Amanda said...

Angel,
I know the feeling. Take a deep breath. I know how hard it is. Our 3rd round of botox was as hard for me as the 1st. I paced the room. It is an outpatient procedure and she is fine in a few hours but it still scares me. I'm not in control in that moment and I hate to give my baby up. I will keep you and Kaiya in my thoughts.
Take a deep breath. (and eat some chocolate).

Natalie C. said...

If you need anything call me...I am only 20 mintues away :)

Tessa said...

I will be praying for Kaiya .. and for God to fill you with an overwhelming peace. Thanks for always being so real with us ... because that means we can be there for you in prayer and in our thoughts!

lifelaughterchaos said...

sierra recently had her tonsils taken out. that is not nearly as a big deal, but i was dreading, dreading it!

let me just say she did amazing. these lil' troopers are MUCH stronger than their mommas!

lifelaughterchaos said...

sierra recently had her tonsils taken out. that is not nearly as a big deal, but i was dreading, dreading it!

let me just say she did amazing. these lil' troopers are MUCH stronger than their mommas!

FayeJ said...

Hey, that is so neat that he's walking so well that you can start to let go a bit!

Faye,
fayejh@gmail.com

Scott and Carolyn said...

We will be praying for Kaiya, you, and your family this week!

Hugs,
Carolyn

amber said...

Oh, I can only imagine the intensity of the feelings and emotions you're experiencing... Henry never had to have surgery, but the multiple doctor's visits and MRIs were enough to send me into mama-bear mode.
We're moms... our hearts are outside our chests when it comes to our kids...

I'll be praying for Kaiya this week -- especially on Thursday. And I'll be praying for you, too!

Love you my friend.
Amber