Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Our Trip To Yiwu- Alternate Title- Grieving Pixie

Today we traveled two hours to Kaiya's hometown of Yiwu. It was so wonderful to visit. It is a beautiful drive. Kaiya had a ROUGH morning. She woke up mad at the world. I don't blame her a bit. She seemed to be saying, "Guys, this was fun and all but I am ready to GO HOME!" Waking up is always the hardest for her. She forgets where she is I think. Poor baby. She was definitely grieving for hours. From about 7am till maybe 1pm... There were some lulls but it was pretty rough.

Nice since this is the longest day we have on the whole trip. About 6 hours driving time and lunch with the vice president of the orphanage while she is throwing a FIT in the restaurant. Talk about pressure. He is like, "Huh, she NEVER cried with us." LOL!!! He was so nice though. I think he understood. After giving me very well intentioned advice on what to do with her she swatted at him when he tried to hold her. OOPS! SORRY Mr Kind Vice President. 2 year olds just don't have good manners! He eventually said, " I guess she misses her nanny." I told him that I agreed with him and his nanny must have done a very good job because she loves her so much. At the time it was stressing me out a bit but thinking back on it I think it is so sweet. He really seemed to know a lot about her. He knew she loves to walk everywhere and wants to feed herself. He knew she likes steamed eggs. How sweet is that? She did eventually get a little nicer to him. Thank goodness our guide could explain she is usually just as happy as she can be.

Anyway, she did settle down but sweet girl had her first hard core day. It's good though. If she WASN'T grieving I would be extremely concerned. Why would she NOT be grieving? Was she not attached? Is she not able to process these emotions? She is just showing appropriate emotion for loss.

The trip was so cool though, despite the wild child. We drove through a virtual flood to get there. LOL!! Neither wind nor rain can stop us. I'm not kidding... it was so funny. It would have been even more hilarious if I wasn't WIPED OUT from the screaming, grieving child in my arms. :0) It was starting to feel like Noah's Ark and we better find some animals quick.

We visited the orphanage and I was able to meet her personal nanny. They also took us to the place where Kaiya was found. In China you are not allowed to place a child for adoption. You must just leave them and walk away. People leave their babies where they can be found quickly. Then the police are called and the child is taken to an orphanage.

With Kaiya's condition of cleft lip and palate her mother would have been unable to feed her properly. There is also a one child policy and she may have been the second child. It makes my heart hurt for what that decision must have been for her birth mommy. I desperately wish she could know Kaiya is safe and loved like Zoe's Guatemala mommy knows. Perhaps one day that door will open. I was so glad we were able to go see where she was found. It was in front of a major government building in Yiwu.

After all her trauma today I made the decision not to take Kaiya into the orphanage. My mom stayed with her in the van and I went in. Then I invited her nanny to come out and see her which she did.

She was extremely kind and seemed genuinely attached to Kaiya. I cried as I thanked her for taking such good care of Kaiya. She works so hard. More than 30 babies and 3 caretakers at a time. I had little gifts for them. My travel buddy Judy did too. They also had the outfit Kaiya was wearing when she was found and a bag that was with her. WOW!!! What a priceless gift. We are going to frame the outfit to put in her room. So special. We got video and pictures with her caretaker. Wonderful....

It broke my heart to see all the the babies left behind. None of them were even registered for adoption. I am told the orphanage is only allowed to pick a few because the Chinese government can only handle so much work load with the paper work. My heart started to ache when I realized that. They picked our girls out of all of those babies. Our Kaiya could have just as easily been one of those other sweet faces laying there with no mommy to hold her. They picked her to have a family.... It makes me cry.
My heart aches for more of them to have homes. 6% of those babies will be released for adoption. Only 3% will be adopted. Only 3% of the little "Kaiya's" in China will have a mommy. Only 3%.... why? My heart aches. Many of them have special needs like Kaiya's which is why they were given up. It makes tears stream down my face. I just pray God will open arms and homes and a way for these babies. I will do whatever I can to be a part of that.
The whole journey we were with Kaiya's best little buddy XiXi. Turns out there beds were right next to each other!! We were also given pictures of them before they had surgery on their lips. One of the pictures is of them together! :0) Then we were given permission at the same time to come get them. WOW! Too wild. It seems our girls were destined to be special friends.

So after that we went to see XiXi's finding spot and we headed home. I was SO glad to see that hotel room and so was Ms. Kaiya Rain Zhen.

She is happy again! YAY! It was so great when she started to give us little smiles and giggles and kisses again. It's amazing. Like two different kids. Angry grieving kid and funny little pixie. Right now she is walking around playing her favorite new game. This game is called bring EVERYTHING in the room to momma and pile it in her lap. NICE!

She is so funny. She is making all kinds of sounds and tries to mimic almost everything we do. She is SMART! She may have trouble with speech because of her cleft but she doesn't sound very nasal or airy when she makes sounds. I guess we will just see.
She is already following commands in ENGLISH! She is awesome. She can understand, "Kaiya put that toy in your basket." YAY! :0) "Kaiya come here. Sit down Kaiya." OH and yesterday she gave me the sign for I'm hungry by patting her mouth. I had only shown her the sign TWICE! I couldn't believe it.
She is like a little scientist. You can tell she is ALWAYS thinking and learning. She is SO HAPPY to be able to LEARN. It's like she was just waiting for this moment. Every second she is trying to learn something. She LOVES to walk and in one day she has already gone from super wobbly walker to trying to jog. She is still a little wobbly though! She is also so sweet and cuddly. She knows when she is doing something sweet or smart and gets VERY proud of herself. She will come and tackle me and give me a kiss and then smile SOOOO big. Her smile is so cute.

She is SO STINKING SMART! The last two days I have been trying to teach her to put her hands up in the air and say up when she wants me to hold her instead of yelling. Pretty much everything is just yelling so far. So just a minute ago she walked up, threw her hands in the air and said, "Up!" OK, well maybe it was more like, "Uh!" BUT I GOT THE IDEA! YAY FOR KAIYA! Of course I fussed all over her and made a WAY TOO BIG deal of it.

She is just so cool.
FYI!!! I wrote most of this post last night and meant to post it. After I typed "she is so cool" Kaiya started throwing a MONSTER fit again. She was exhausted. I laid down with her while she cried and flipped and flopped and finally fell asleep. Apparently I fell asleep with her. She is STILL asleep-12 hours and counting. I slept 11 hours. Wow... We were both wiped out. Today we have nothing to do. YAY! I feel much better. I pray she is feeling better today. Regardless of how she feels though- I adore her.

Hugs!!! Hoping today we get cute smiley pictures. Please pray for her little heart to heal quickly. She has been through so much and had so little.



TNKerry said...

Sorry Kaiya had a bad day, but at the same time I think it is such a good sign. Kaiya is just adorable - I love seeing all the pics. Love that she is so smart :)

Alice said...

Sorry you guys had a bad morning. It is so sweet that you try to look through HER eyes to she how she must feel. She is still so dern cute. I love the lady bug pj's (I used to collect lady bug stuff).

Praying that Kaiya will continue to have some grief, but hopefully not all at one time...LOL!

Amy said...

Angel... This was such a sweet post. I was crying reading about all of the different emotions sweet Kaiya is going through. What a precious gift she is!

Amy said...

Angel... This was such a sweet post. I was crying reading about all of the different emotions sweet Kaiya is going through. What a precious gift she is!

Amy said...

Angel... This was such a sweet post. I was crying reading about all of the different emotions sweet Kaiya is going through. What a precious gift she is!

Jess said...

praying today goes better!

She is so sweet! The story of where is she came from is amazing and just breaks my heart!

JuJu - said...

HEY - I recognize those Lady Bug Jammies;)SOOOOOOOOOOOO good to see her in them;)

I know those moments are hard - but she is dealing with her feelings - how miraculous that she has the ability to and is not just numb:) PRAISE GOD she is healing:)

You just love her Angel - that is all she needs - and who better to love that precious child than you my little sister:)She has a Momma with a HUGE and beautiful heart!

I love you and I am so proud to be able to call you my friend:)Hug that Polka Dot for me:)

Love y'all


The Engelhardt 4 said...

oh goodness, I can only imagine the grief that she could be feeling. It's almost hard to remember that these little ones can grieve like we do when there is big change and loss. I am know that God will protect her little heart.

I love that picture where she is out cold on your lap. That is too sweet. Have a great and relaxed day...
Blessings and hugs.

Nikki said...

Aww, sweet girl. Sounds like a tough day, but I'm sure one that will seem necessary and ages away in just a few weeks once she is settled at home! Beautiful post :) she is such a sweetheart. I love her expression in the 2nd video :)

Valerie said...

Angel -- I am loving the posts! It is so fun to see you and Polka Dot with your newest princess. I'm sure it has been an emotional rollercoaster for you as dealing with a toddler is hard enough but especially when the poor little thing is grieving, so I am praying for you, one toddler mama to another. I am just so so so happy for you!!!!!! Keep the posts coming -- we can't get enough of Kaiya!

Farrah and Jed said...

I'm sad and happy that sweet Kaiya is expericances this...Like you said I think it is a good sign!!!
We would be worried if she didn't show Grieve...

She is so precious, I'm hoping tomorrow is better for you...Or today which ever day it is..LOL


Kim said...

Poor thing - and bless you for just loving on her!!

Jennifer said...

OH! I know it is so hard to watch...but it is so much better that she grieve and get all of these emotions out. What a precious baby... she needs to love and be loved so much. How amazing is God's Hand... I am always in awe of Him and how He works such mighty miracles. We will continue to pray for her that her grieving begins to subside... and that she begins to open her heart!!

The pictures are so wonderful - and I love seeing you holding her!!

You are so right... there are so many babies out there that will never find their forever family and it is heartbreaking.

Cathie said...

Your Mother's love will win.
Kaiya is greiving which is good but your Mother's love will shine through.
She is wonderful!!
Proud Mama to a Guatemalan prince

Ellie said...


You must be exhausted - poor sweet Kaiya, but I agree that it is better that she grieves :)

I feel really emotional hearing about your trip to YiWu, happy and sad. How special that you received the outfit that Kaiya had on when found. I'm a bit jealous of that :) Please say hello to Ping for me - we love her!



Princess D said...

Thanks for sharing all that your are both going through. It's so special and sweet that you have all of this documented. She is just too much for words. You are so blessed. It gives adoption such a face all of your words and pictures. I wish anyone that is letting fear or doubt hold them back from adopting could see these posts. Amazing! Truly. Love on that adorable girl and she will be ok. SHe has been through sooo much and she has to grieve like you said.


Candy said...

Ok girl I HAD YOUR DAY...well Kinda...My KYA might have givin your KAIYA a RUN FOR HER MONEY...I think its the TWO's and maybe a little grieving of her own that she does not have ALL MY ATTENTION anymore. I know today was probally rough and emotional on you but man YOU ARE GOOD GIRL and you are right she needs to get her grief out. HUGS

Sarah said...

Great post Angel .. I'm sure it's to be expected she will have rough days .. seems like you are such an understanding mommy! How's your mom holding up too? She seems totally awesome and I know you must be SO thankfull to have her with you!! I love her shirt (don't bug me!) .. cute!! My heart aches to for all the orphans left.. so sad. Good thing you have kids already, so you know that this type of tantrum will pass .. poor girl must be very confused. I guess she is desperately seeking security. What she doesn't know, is the two beautiful sisters that await her a home, that is going to be such a special reunion!!!!

Kelly said...

Hi Angel - I have followed your journey through Zoe's adoption and now Kaiya's. Kaiya is amazing! And so cute. I adopted a two year old from Guat and she came home last October 07 and it is a tough age...hard for them and kinda hard for us Mommies too! Kaiya reminds me of Caylie...stubborn, determined and so proud of her accomplishments.
Can I ask, did you go through an agency or directly through the orphanage? Kelly at

Amy said...

Oh Angel- I am so sorry you had a rough day with Kaiya. You are amazing and giving her exactly what she needs. LOVED the pictures and video- and how awesome that you were able to get the outfit they found her in! What a priceless gift! Hope today is the best of all! ((HUGS)) Amy

Dimple Queen said...


I know you had a rough and very draining day, but I look at it this way.... She may be sad or angry, but she is going to see that you love her throught it all, and are with her every step of the way, just like our Father does for each of us. I see this as one of the most important times in the life of you two, it is her time to bond with you and to learn that you love her.

I will be praying for you and that precious Lady Bug. I'll start praying right now for that flight home!

kenzsethia said...

Sorry you ladies had a rough day. Sounds like you have great perspective though. I think this is good stuff for people to read - it's one of the hard parts of adoption, but important to share!


kenzsethia said...

Sorry you ladies had a rough day. Sounds like you have great perspective though. I think this is good stuff for people to read - it's one of the hard parts of adoption, but important to share!


Lucinda Naia said...

I'm glad to hear she's grieving. It sounds so weird to write that sentence.... I just mean that I'm happy to know that she was able to attach to her nanny, grieves for her now, and will be able to attach to you & your family in time.

It saddens me immensely to hear that some children aren't even registered for adoption. I'm sure the Chinese government wants that information to be kept confidential because they have been intent on telling outsiders that there are less available babies.

The truth will come out eventually. Let's just hope & pray that more children are able to have FAMILIES and not orphanages.

Hugs to you!!!

Darlene said...

Oh! I thank God that she has you to comfort her!

Emily said...

Loving your updates. Just got back from Guatemala this week, so having to catch up on all my favorite blogs.
Hugs from VA.

Tessa said...

Angel, You are such an inspiration to me ... I can only imagine how difficult this day was for you and for Kaiya. She looks so confused and at the same time, she most likely knows that what she is feeling from you is nothing she has ever felt before. I pray for her ... that she will be comforted and at peace ... that she will know that everything is okay. She is so precious! I am so happy for you and for your family of 5!

Amber said...

Wow, I had no idea that it was only 3%. So sad...Thanks for the amazing post!

Wendi said...

what a great post...all of it...and what an amazing gift to get glimpses of her "beginnings" thank you for sharing how she is doing emotionally and developmentally - what a relief, really! and you are handling it, as usual, like a true champ...I know you miss your girls, but what a gift to have this time with just Kaiya...she needs it and so do you.

tia bek said...

man oh man oh man! can I just say "I am in love!" She is so amazingly beautiful! I am so looking forward to seeing her soon.

keep those pics coming.

Ryan said...

6% ... 3% that shocked me and brought tears to my eyes.

I found you through Holly Kladders blog.