Usually when I go on a trip KK gets to go to one place almost the whole time and just be there. She does better with that. She doesn't like a lot of changes from one person to another. She doesn't mind going lots of places. She just wants one caretaker. I guess cause she is used to having me around 24/7. She likes consistency. Anyway, this time was a busy time for everyone so the girls had to be swapped around a bit from person to person. She had Daddy most days and then her godmother for two while Zoe was at her 2 days of class and then one grandmother with Daddy and then the other grandma. It isn't usually the way we like to do it but we had to make do and it was NOT adequate for her majesty- Princess Kaitlyn. She ended up having a little fit while she was at bible study. This is SOOOO not like her. She knocked her best friend's tower over and then HIT her teacher. YIKES! Mrs Anne had to take her into the hall and have a talk with her. She asked Kaitlyn why she did that and she said cause her mom is in Africa and she misses her. Awwww.... little STINKER! Here is her godmommy Wendi interviewing her about all the trouble she got into. Hee hee hee...
That got me thinking though... Is it really OK for me to leave to go on these mission trips? Now I don't think this is a one size fits all answer. I think this is something I have to look at for each of my kids. Now if Zoe was scared about me leaving I'd be done for awhile. She has been through too much for me to disappear if she feels scared. NUH UHH! BUT she was fine and dandy. She tells me it means so much to her to see me help other kids "like her."
Now Kaitlyn has lived the good life to the inth degree. We try really hard not to spoil her. We do cool things as a family but honestly, Russ and I hardly buy our girls anything except food. I'M SERIOUS! I mean we do the occasional pair of shoes or jeans. They have doting grandparents and aunties and friends that spoil them enough. We don't need to help. ;0) BUT just by virtue of the fact that I am blessed to be home and she lives in America the kid has never wanted for anything. She is beyond secure. She's not SCARED when I leave. She is uncomfortable.
So after thinking this all through- here were my thoughts... I think we place far too much value in the US on our comfort. Not that I think there is anything WRONG with comfort. Trust when I say we live a very comfortable life. I mean you read my blog. I am not a roughing it kind of girl. :0) BUT at the same time I appreciate that when we are Christians our lives are about being fully loved and accepted but often feeling uncomfortable. Growth is rarely easy. If we did whatever we wanted to do it would be a sad day. The truth is that we are evil and selfish left to ourselves. Being comfortable often means we are easily not thinking... simply living our selfish lives not seeing anything around us. My greatest times of growth were when I felt terribly uncomfortable with what God was doing!
So by letting Kaitlyn be uncomfortable was I doing her a disservice? I don't think so. I was letting her grow. Letting her put someone else first. Allowing her to experience sacrifice on a 4 year old level. Yesterday we were talking about her feelings about me leaving. I asked her if she would want me to quit going on trips. She said, "Would that mean you would quit adopting and helping kids?" I said, "Well it would be a lot tougher cause I would not be able to go places like Africa to meet that special lady or go to China to get Kaiya." She emphatically said, "NO!! I want you to go. I am glad that I get to help. When I am big I am going to go to Africa with you. " I said, "That's right baby. Every time you are brave and stay here you are helping me help those kids. I am so excited for you to come with me someday."
WOW! What amazing kids I have. I better not mess them all up by not letting them experience the discomfort of growth. ;0) Angel
PS Thanks to everyone who helped care for my uncomfortable little stinker! :0) You are very appreciated.