This is a 3-d sonogram of Kaitlyn long ago. It's kinda iffy quality since it was back in the day but amazing just the same. I was telling the girls about it and they wanted to see it. Give it a second cause it switches back and forth from black and white to 3-d.
We have all had baby on the brain for sure. I am alternately excited and terrified of adopting this next baby.
On days when someone is sick or extremely grouchy I think "What in the WORLD do we think we are doing?????" Our children are going to outnumber us. I am taking on a big increase in my work load and I can tell you from experience that the pay increase ain't that great!!!! :0)
Then there are days when I hold Will (my godson) and he will snuggle up with me. (cause we love each other like that) Then I remember the pay off is far deeper than money. Then I get excited.
Some days (like today) things are buzzing along. Russ is in the kitchen making his traditional gluten free chocolate chip waffles and raw honey with the girls.(in the shape of Mickey Mouse of course- I know it's not your traditional tradition but they ARE good! YUMMY!) I am sitting here blogging and thinking we should work out and swim today.
On days like today I feel a little torn. Most of me thinks WE CAN DO THIS! It's going to be so awesome. Another bundle of joy. That is what both of my girls are. They are precious and kind. They are funny and adorable. I definitely want more of that in my home.
Then I remember that I just got to sleep in till ten am. This is the first period of time in YEARS I could do that on a Saturday. Then I remember that I have been writing this blog uninterrupted for 20 minutes. AMAZING. When we go to the pool I actually get to swim a little. :0)
On our girls trip this was a major topic of conversation. I was pretty much begging for their insight. Holly and Wendi asked me all kinds of awesome, probing questions. They wanted to know how it would effect each member of the family.
Russ.... he is mostly ready I think. He will definitely feel the change but he seems really happy about it.
Kaitlyn... she is thrilled. She will be about 5 when it happens. She is almost not a baby at all. She is really ready to be a big sister.
Zoe.... she wants this with all her heart. I think this could be so healing for her. She didn't get to witness the memories we have of Kaitlyn. I know that makes her sad. Having a baby brother or sister from a tiny baby is so exciting to her. Another sibling who is adopted is exciting. Someone to love her unconditionally is exciting to her. Plus Zoe just adores babies. They are safe and precious.
Me.... I want a baby but I am selfish. That is truly what it comes down to right now. It means giving up my freedom. :0( I want the benefits and not the work. Hmmmmm.... doesn't work that way does it??? Hee hee..
I think it's time. I really think so. I just keep praying that I won't fight giving up this easy life I am quickly becoming accustomed to here! If I was already physically pregnant it would be a done deal. I would just adjust to it and know when it's coming. With adoption it's more ambiguous.
It's like my heart feels pregnant and I am mostly sure I want it that way. There's just that selfish part of me that kicks and screams that I won't get to float in the pool or eat a leisurely breakfast. Pathetic and shallow- yet sadly true.
I have this feeling that somewhere out there my baby is just about the size Kaitlyn is in this sonogram. She or he is a kicking little bundle of sweetness. I pray for this baby. I pray that his/her birth mother will be wise and loving. I pray that he will be safe and develop perfectly. I pray that the birth mother will be cared for and comforted.
When I see it that way- when I think that my baby is already out there it's easy to be overwhelmed with joy.